adultnovels

adultnovels @ 2006-06-26T19:46:00

2006-07-20T00:58:03Z

I don't know if I've found happiness or comfort.

adultnovels @ 2006-05-22T21:15:00

2006-05-23T01:15:46Z

Have you ever had a dream that seemed to last five years, even though you were only asleep for a few hours? Or did you ever have a dream that seemed to last 100 years? Or have you ever had a dream where you were married to someone for your entire life? Or a dream where you were lost in the arctic circle for decades and decades and decades? Now obviously, dreams don’t last 100 years. Dreams last about 20 minutes. So that means we are somehow able to understand an accelerated passage of time while we dream. We can just naturally tell, somehow, whether the dream is happening in “real time” or in “dream time”. And if it’s happening in dream time, then what we’re experiencing in the span of 20 minutes can feel like a span of 20 years. My question is: Are we only able to understand this because of books and movies and television? Because the difference between real time and dream time seems like something that would be impossible to understand organically. What I’m wondering is if TV taught people how to have longer dreams, because TV is always flashing forward. If sitcom characters are in the living room, and then a commercial for Tide comes on, and then those same people are suddenly lying in bed when the show returns, we automatically understand that time has advanced. We just take for granted that the story has moved from daytime to nighttime. This is something we have all come to understand completely, and without even trying. So what I’m wondering is how people dreamt before the invention of media. And not just before movies and TV, but even before printed novels. I mean, how would a caveman dream? Would his dreams only happen in real time, like in Kiefer Sutherland’s 24? How could the subconscious mind of a caveman calibrate the idea of two things happening 10 years apart? How would a caveman tell the difference between real life and dream life? Wouldn’t they be almost identical?

adultnovels @ 2006-03-08T03:04:00

2006-05-18T02:02:46Z

What do I want to say to you? You only continue to confirm my strangest observations of & explanations for you. You have no idea what you are talking about, but you speak with such conviction. I would appreciate that more if I wasn't constantly rolling my eyes. I do not understand how this works in your mind, & I am humbled & fascinated by my inability to grasp it. I am saddened mostly because you are so rare, & will be hard to replace. I will be hard pressed to find a substitute for you. It is an inconvenience, truly. Your perception of me is half right, but you are horrified by it while I find it commonplace. We have to realize where we all stand. When you honestly consider it, can anything be that shocking? Lastly, you are a special concept, but a shadow of a person. I am sad for that as well; that I have fallen in love with the idea of you, but you can only be an idea. You are not solid, & for all your condemnations of me & all your sermons, you have nothing to show. All your love is just as worthless as you deem mine if you can't remember it in the morning.

adultnovels @ 2006-02-03T01:44:00

2006-05-18T01:46:38Z

I met Andy Duggins last night, and it was one of the most worth-while expenditures of time that I have chosen in a quite a while. I always wonder how things (my life, me) would have been different if. I am so glad for the good things & people in this world. House of Blues is so strange. I am obsessed with venues, and I compare each & every one of them to The Vets Hall. Anyway! While discussing alcohol with Andy Duggins last night, the waiter brought me a cup of coffee instead of coffee cake, but I decided against correcting him & tried to drink it. I hate coffee. I poured a shitload of cream & sugar into it & then I kind of enjoyed it. But I felt two things about this experience: in keeping with the "she takes shots with her boots on" stereotype, I should drink black coffee, & probably large amounts of it. But I just can’t & I feel sorry for not being able to take that stereotype all the way, because it's one that I like. But the other thing I felt regarding the coffee was that I was now drinking this thing that I was enjoying, because it was smoother & sweeter. But it was coffee. I felt like being able to actually get it down my throat was such a novelty, & that I should have had more of an interaction with the base taste, itself. I had changed what the coffee was. I had made it something totally different. I had altered it, manipulated it, covered it. & I felt intimidated by the fact that it was in fact coffee, & was so unsure of the fact that I was drinking it, having diluted it with other stuff. I know, this makes no sense. But I just felt like I wasn’t giving coffee the respect it deserved. Coffee in my life is a force to be reckoned with & I just poured some other shit into it, changed it, & drank something new. I totally disregarded & didn’t appreciate what coffee is. What it tastes like. Coffee & I didn’t have a proper interaction. Lastly, tonight was so opinionated. We talked all day about political platform, social dynamic, anarchy, what foods humans are naturally built to be digesting, what rights anyone does or doesn’t have to form & impose their opinions about these things on other people or society as a whole. & "Please, please don’t mention God." It was a good thing, it was good of us all to speak for what we really think, & to mostly tolerate what the others of us were saying. But still, things get so shaky so fast.

adultnovels @ 2006-01-29T04:02:00

2006-05-18T01:32:44Z

I feel sorry for people who don't see what they have right in front of them,
who go on and complain about the innane shit.
No no, appreciate what you have when you have it,
whether it be for a fleeting moment or for the rest of your life.
(My amazing friends, both those who have wandered in and stayed, and those
who have wandered in and out, my fuck ups & my conquests, thank you.)

adultnovels @ 2006-01-02T20:58:00

2006-05-18T00:58:14Z

adultnovels @ 2005-05-17T20:13:00

2006-05-18T00:14:48Z

@ Beasley's
I haven't stopped smiling since I got here.

Happy Birthday, Beasles ♥

♥

I'm making my way up to Akron this coming weekend (maybe) and
the next (maybe) and the next (for sure) to see the boy who
loves Kanye West, and to make some money and to see some real love
and some peace & happiness and of course, to see all my babies.

adultnovels @ 2005-09-03T23:56:00

2006-05-18T00:12:49Z

Sooner or later, everything turns to shit.
(Similarly; Sooner or later, everything gets better. That's irrelevant, though.)
Certian aspects of my life have seemed to turn themselves upside down, while others have fit
into place just perfectly. It's funny how the ones you told yourself you needed the most
will always find a way to snake their way out of your life, and the ones you tried your
hardest to let go of will always work their way back into your heart.

I'm trying really hard not to hurt anyone,
and I'm trying just as hard not to get hurt.
It's funny how one sentence can make me so anxious, & so confused.

adultnovels @ 2005-08-24T20:26:00

2006-05-18T00:11:00Z

Alex has his going away party on Saturday night, but I won't be able to make it into
Cleveland in time for it. He's been my longest consistent close friend, and therefore
I love him a whole lot, but I'm not sad about him leaving, because our friendship has
always relied on that we've still been able to stay close when one of us has been hundreds,
even thousands, of miles away and I know that's not going to change.

Last time we hung out, we took a cab into Olvera to eat a fucking good bean & cheese burrito.
Alex ate half of mine since he was still hungry. Then we walked around and had ourselves a
pretty neat-o time just talking about things & looking at things we normally wouldn't inspect.
There are alot of things in Cleveland that need to to be more appreciated. We also bought some
green tea/red bean popcicles. I thought they'd be bad, honestly, BUT THEY WERE SOOO GOOD.
Then we went to the metro and the popcicles melted, so we drank out of the tubes like otter pops,
but I accidentally spilled one of them all over my lap, so Alex had to run alllll the way into
the station to get me a roll of tp. That's affection. I had a wet & sticky crotch the whole
ride back, but I didn't mind. I love that we can hang out after not seeing each other in forever
and pick up where we left off, as if we'd seen each other every day, without it being awkward,
because he's just so cool like that. & Lex, I hope you have fun on the other side of the world. ♥

adultnovels @ 2005-08-22T02:13:00

2006-05-18T00:09:56Z

Things have a funny way of creeping up on you.
Closure and new starts, thank you. Let it riiide, because it's nice.
Life right now is good, but I remind you it is all held together by very thin strings.